


In Memoriam

by Kirei_chin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-01-20 22:54:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1528733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirei_chin/pseuds/Kirei_chin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Treat death as your enemy and you’ll live as a hero and die as a villain. Join hands with it and you’ll live as a villain and die as a hero. Fool it just once and you’ll be immortal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Failure

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! This is a multichapter I was planning to do since the beginning of this year and it finally came to life! I hope you enjoy! ;)

It was already twilight in Trost when the Survey Corps returned from the 48th expedition outside the walls. The bells rang rhythmically, and the gates opened the way for the heroes of humanity.

Several people crowded the main street of the District, waiting for the most successful group in these kind of missions to get in.

The first to be seen, of course, was the newest Commander of the Troops, Erwin Smith, mounted on the sole white horse of the team. Thanks to that man the death rate had decreased drastically. Two Squad Leaders came right behind him, who many people only knew for the quirks somewhat ... Different. Nevertheless, both the scientist obsessed with titans and the soldier with a good nose were important contributors to the group’s victories.

Further on, the Special Operations Squad walked. They were indeed the reason of all the fuss in the place. Children and parents admired them, in particular the man in charge, also known as the Strongest Soldier of Humanity. However ...

"Mom, where is Captain Levi?" An innocent child's voice echoed through the civilians.

All eyes then began to search eagerly for the dark haired man, with no avail. And it was in the moment the rest of the Corps entered the Wall that the surprise hit them: not only the group was reduced to less than half but Levi was also not among them.

A murmur arose as soon as the Squad Leaders, following the example of Erwin, descended from their horses.

"The Survey Corps is a waste of our taxes." – A voice stood out from the others – "If even the so called Strongest Soldier became titan food, what will happen with those ones?"

In a matter of seconds, the man who uttered the words was on the floor. Two hands pulled him back to his feet and struck him again, this time drawing blood. People tried to hold back the aggressor, but just the other Squad Leader was able to stop everything.

With both forearms pressed against Hange's shoulders, Mike forced her back with some difficulty, since she struggled a lot.

"Without the Survey Corps, you wouldn't even have what to _shit_ , _you damn geezer_! I assure you that fucking Wall would've gone down if it weren't for our sacrifices!" The researcher screamed, her face flushed with anger. The blond man tried to turn her away before she kicked someone in her agitation. "And to be honest, I would feel very happy to throw you down these W-"

"Hange!" A deep voice in the background caught her attention and made her freeze. Erwin didn’t seem slightly pleased with what he had just witnessed. In addition, he seemed a bit... Scared?

"Return to your positions." He ordered curtly.

Mike mumbled something between the lines of _‘_ _get hold of yourself_ _’_ in her ear and released her abruptly, almost knocking the woman to the ground.

Some civilians helped the elder to get up and the Corps moved on, just like a procession. Hange reached Moblit, who was holding the reins of her horse, and pushed him. She mounted again in the animal and galloped away from the throng.

Her subordinate became desperate, but he was not the only one. Within a few seconds, Erwin's voice was heard again, this time in a less aggressive tone.

"Moblit, go to the headquarters immediately."

"Yessir!" The young man replied promptly. He went up on his horse and left.

He didn't know the exact reason Erwin had sent him to the headquarters, but the Commander was always one or two steps ahead of everyone. It was better to trust his orders.

~~~

Since many people were looking at him in a weird way, Moblit decided to jog instead of gallop. In a short time, a man picking some fruit on the ground made a comment that caught his attention.

"At least this one will not throw all my fruits on the ground like that crazy woman who passed by on another horse."

"I'm sorry, sir?" Moblit asked curiously as he descended from his mount to help the man.

"Oh... you heard it." He said and gave a small smile when he sighted the symbol sewn on the military jacket. "That person was also from the Survey Cops?" The elder asked unceremoniously.

The blond youth hesitated to answer. Would it be appropriate to say who she was? "Y-yes sir. And sorry for the inconvenience, she is going through a tough situation ..." The young man handed him the last fruit and bowed formally.

"No need to say it, lad. Everybody knows the Corps is not a place for easy matters..." The man replied thoughtfully.

Moblit knew that the Legion wasn’t made of a lot of happiness; actually, suffering was something quite easy to see there, especially after an expedition. He himself on his first trip to the outside world thought if suicide wouldn't be better than to witness this massacre. However, there was one person who had made him see it from a more optimistic view, to think that a little discovery could change such a big world. Hange Zoë, she did believe in a utopia in a dystopian world.

A contradiction within another, it was exactly how many defined the personality of this woman – she hated the titans with passion, but at the same she acted like she loved them; perhaps that was the reason her work was so successful. Her failures always gave her strength, she was always smiling, fighting back. But now she suffered, she was bleeding inside since the Special Operations Squad had arrived at the meeting point with only remains of a Maneuver Gear. Moblit had tensed up as he had gotten to know what had occurred, but when he had turned to his superior – waiting for the usual words of support and the understanding smile – he had seen a panicked little girl.

It was not that Hange couldn’t feel anything with the incident, but it was naturally distressing to see the woman who seemed to be a wall itself shatter like a fragile glass cup.

The blond youth smiled sheepishly at the man and turned back to his horse, following his path.

~~~

The Headquarters of the Survey Corps had its doors opened, just like in every day of expedition after the ringing of bells. The guards frowned when they saw the Squad Leader arriving alone, but as obedient and smart kids, they asked no questions.

Hange left the horse with one of the caretakers and entered the almost deserted building. The sun had already disappeared behind the Wall, leaving the corridors even gloomier. Her gear made a shrill noise of metal and her shoes filled the floor with wet soil.

After a walk that seemed eternal, the scientist reached her destination. With no formalities, she flung the door of the small room open. It was a sparsely furnished, but extremely clean and organized place. The room of a high-ranking officer of the Corps.

" _This shitty clean room_..." She whispered as she stepped into it and slammed the door behind her with force.

At that moment, Hange lost the little control she had. Something in that room was infuriating.

" _Shit_ _!_ " She yelled while kicking the desk chair. And then she threw away all the objects on the top of the table, heedless of the noise it would cause.

And so, one by one of the furniture, of the decorations and even of the clothing were on the ground, crashed, shattered, crumbled.

At the end, the brunette threw herself into the mattress, which was on the floor amidst the great deal of debris. The falling tears made her goggles lenses fog up, but she didn’t take them off. Her bangs clung to her forehead like glue, her pants seemed more black than white, the suspenders rubbed at her skin even with some fabric – dirtied  with the blood of her comrades – underneath. Since the 45th Expedition, when she had found Ilse's notebook almost an year ago, she hadn't felt so dirty.

Despite the mess, the smell of black tea and cleansing products was still strong. The researcher buried her face even more, trying to muffle her sobs.

Levi would be angry if he saw his own room in this state. That is, if he had returned alive from the last expedition.

A knock at the door startled Hange. Had anyone of the guard heard the noise in the room? Well, it would not be a remote possibility indeed. However, the voice on the opposite side was undoubtedly well-known.

"Squad Leader, are you here?"

 _Moblit_. Well, it was also not too surprising that Erwin would've sent the boy ahead of everyone to check on her  and make sure she wouldn't do some stupid stuff. _Methodical bastard_ , she thought.

The wooden sound of the door came again to her ears, and her subordinate spoke louder, making her head nearly explode in pain.

" _Go away_ , Moblit." She commanded, sinking her nose in a pillow to stifle the nasal sound caused by her weeping.

A long silence followed the order. The scientist knew the blond youngster had not moved an inch from his position. It was not his habit to leave her alone, unless some logical justification was presented. It had saved her ass a few times, this attitude, especially when it came to experiments - with Titans or not.

"Leader, you have to leave the Captain's room before-" The subordinate began to talk, but he trailed off as the door swung open.

The state of the researcher was worrisome. Her glasses were fogged, her eyes bloodshot and her hair a bird's nest. The clothes were all crumpled up and to worsen things her hands seemed bruised. Perhaps, though, nothing was in such terrible state as the little part he could see of Levi's room. It looked like a hurricane had passed through there twice.

"Before _what_ , Moblit?" She asked furiously. "Before they gather all these personal shit, before appointing a new captain or before the Survey Corps arrive to see the damage I've done to that clean freak's room?" Her voice grew louder by each word she uttered, her face more and more flushed and her eyes blazing with hatred.

"Before... Before you get completely crazy. As bad as what happened was, we need to keep our mind working. For humanity."

The words of the blond soldier struck her like a thunderbolt. _'For the glory of humanity'_ – the motto of the Corps was part of the oath every worthy soldier had to make. Despite Levi not so regular origin, he had promised to protect mankind with all his power as well. Oh, how many people had died hoping for a better world, for a victory.

Hange inhaled deeply. Even though her work was essential for their triumph, it was true that no one would accept such risky position. And even if someone signed up for it, the posture she always had kept before the Titans – a different way to understand them – would not be adopted by any other in a hundred years.

"... I'll go to my room." The brunette hissed amidst a brainstorm. She needed to be practical, to reflect on what was necessary to make henceforth, and stay in Levi's room would only let her in a total state of sickness.

Moblit cleared the way and then watched her go to the end of the corridor. The scientist walked into her room and the boy sighed deeply.

Despite the cruelty of the civilian's words, they were not devoid of truth. With Levi's death, Erwin would lose political power, which would cause a cut in the expeditions and research funds. Furthermore, the team's morale would be near zero. What would be of the Corps from then on?

He was afraid of the answer.


	2. Deviation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be determined, but be also flexible. Your path will have deviations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still in shock because of Chapter 57. Just saying.

It was not too late in the morning when Moblit knocked frantically at his superior’s door.

"Leader, Leader, you need to get up!" He repeated from time to time.

Office hours in the Corps on the day after an expedition used to start at 0700, since it was necessary to do all performance appraisals, to write death certificates and to conduct the proper repairs on the equipment. Erwin had asked Moblit to go to Hange's room and warn the scientist she needed to sign her part of the documentation, but the youth had been there for nearly two hours, and the door – he checked it – was still locked.

People passing by the corridor watched the blond youth awkwardly, some even pitied him. They thought that having a Squad Leader like Hange was extremely difficult. A woman without the slightest notion of self-preservation, who would send an entire squad into its doom if that meant the safety of her beloved titans.  _Fools_ , the young man thought as he looked at each of the people from top to bottom. If they were still alive, they should thank Hange for her work.

Then a person finally entered the hall. It was the little girl of Levi's Squad, Petra. She was accompanied by two other soldiers, who went immediately to the Captain's bedroom. Upon seeing Moblit, the strawberry-blonde smiled sweetly.

"Oh, Moblit, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the office helping the Squad Leader?" She asked innocently.

"Well… If she  _were_  in the office." As he said that, the girl's face contorted into an expression of concern. "I am here knocking on this door for a long time, but she doesn't want to open it to me." He concluded in a whisper.

Petra smiled again, but the feeling conveyed was one of comprehension instead. Excusing herself, the honey-haired girl gave two soft knocks on the door.

"Leader Hange, it's me, Petra. Could you open the door for me, please?" She asked gingerly, and just as in a magic trick the door swung open, the rusty metal of the hinges crackling.

Everything inside the room felt dark, the curtains were probably closed. Her face shrouded in shadows revealed a physical state worse than that of the previous day.

" _Get in_." Was the only thing Hange said. The young woman followed the command, leaving a dumbfounded Moblit outside.

As it was expected, the place was a complete mess. Nothing was apparently broken, one good sign given the current situation. However, the brunette was an unmitigated disaster. Her hands were bandaged, and she seemed to have given up undressing the day before, the buckles loosened, but the harness still in the body. Probably she had not even bathed.

"Leader, Moblit is in need of your signature on the documents of the expedition." Petra warned, observing every detail of the room.

"I know. He has shouted it a few times." Hange's reply was at most an attempt to be humorous, but soon a not very pleasant silence invaded the place. "He'll get everything he wants after lunch." She completed her speech and the strawberry-blonde nodded. After another long pause, the brunette took courage. "Have they come to collect Levi's belongings already?" She asked.

"They just arrived." It was the girl's immediate response, as if she already had an idea the question would be made. Well, everyone knew the responsible for the current state of the Captain's quarters was Hange, it was more than normal to ask if they had tidied the clutter.

" _Oh_ , yes. And the Memorial Service has already been scheduled?" The scientist inquired in a more sober tone, which made Petra feel uncomfortable.

"Within a week." She said after taking a deep breath to hold her from breaking down.

" _Right_." It was Hange's simple comment. She seemed to have her head elsewhere, in some place beyond the Walls.

Levi's death was something that caught the whole Survey Corps by surprise. During the expedition, he had ridden away from his squad to deal with two titans which were acting very oddly near the forest. His delay caused Erd and Auruo to go after him to give some aid, but the only thing they had found were some remnants of his Maneuver Gear and a pool of blood.

Petra leaned against the wall, arms crossed defensively, while her superior changed clothes and pinned up her hair without any aid of a brush. She sighed, which didn't go unnoticed by Hange.

"How are the others?" The brunette asked as she threw the dirty clothes in a basket.

The honey-haired girl straightened up before replying. Everyone was devastated, it was undeniable. But how would she explain her squad's feelings? They involved much more than emptiness, sorrow, regret, longing... She could not even define what she was feeling herself.

"Well... Auruo can't even look at my face" _Yes, concrete answers would be better_ , she thought. "Gunther rushed home to be with his family; Erd is trying to work, but I've caught him sobbing in the office."

The scientist nodded in form of understanding. As a great observer, the strawberry-blonde knew she must have realized the girl had not spoken about herself, but she let it pass. Perhaps Hange knew something that neither Petra had idea of.

"But Leader... How are  _you_...?" The soldier tried to hide her concern before the brunette's clinical look.

"It's not the first time a friend of mine dies in an expedition." The researcher replied vaguely, adjusting her glasses on the face.

Hange opened the door awkwardly and let the younger woman go out first. Moblit immediately held his Leader and handed her a stack of documents to be read with urgency, despite her claims that she would only look at them after she put something in her stomach. The two women exchanged smiles and the brunette made her way to the mess hall, followed by her assistant.

Petra decided to check how the two soldiers assigned to tidy the room of the Captain were doing.

They were already well advanced, cleaning all the dust of the place. In one corner, a box with several personal objects caught her eye. She pulled out some clothes to see if they were in a good state. At least donate them to those in need would be a generous act. However, two of the pieces didn't seem to belong there.

"Where were these two?" Was the strawberry-blonde's question.

One of the soldiers stared and examined the clothes in her hands. They were visibly a blouse and a tight, but big pair of pants.

"Oh... All the clothes in that box were the ones left in the closet." He said nonchalantly.

Petra felt a heat rise in her cheeks. If those clothes were in the closet, undoubtedly the Captain had been sleeping with someone else there – at least occasionally. Yet how the heck she had never even heard a comment about it?

Since such an act would be vehemently condemned by the higher-ups, it was plausible that nobody had an idea of it. Nevertheless, there were people who had known Levi longer than his squad, which only had worked with the man for just over a year. Hange and Mike, for example, must had some information about it.

The honey-haired girl didn’t quite understand her reasons, but she desperately wanted to know with whom Levi was in such an... _Intimate_  relationship.

 

~~~

 

After a lunch full of depressive and listless looks, Hange returned to work normally. It was necessary to move forward, preferably before the papers formed a wall dividing her office from the rest of the building. 

She was already reading the last report of the day when Keiji appeared in the doorway and told the Commander wanted to see her. It was not Erwin's habit to comfort their colleagues, then it should be some news regarding the funds of the experiments. Or maybe some long lecture on the bad consequences of beating up civilians, even if they were irritating.

The bespectacled woman  knocked firmly on the heavy mahogany door and was quickly allowed to enter. Erwin was customarily seated on his chair, folded hands on the table. He pierced her with his eyes, analyzing her way to move.

"Hange." The blond man began as she approached the chair in front of him. "I heard you just started working  _after_  lunch break." he said concernedly.

 _Seriously? Was that the reason he had called her?_   _To simply warn her about their office hours?_  The brunette sat down on the chair and drew a long breath. He continued.

"Under normal circumstances, I would give you a week of leave to put your head in place." The man spoke as he moved his fingers through some papers.

Hange got nervous. If she were off work, it would've been the end of her sanity. The Squad Leader shifted the weight on the seat, choosing not to speak. The atmosphere was mildly uncomfortable.

"But well... This morning I had a _very pleasant_  meeting." He broke the silence with the sarcastic comment.

" _Enlighten me_." The scientist requested while supporting her elbows on the table.

"The anti-expedition faction gained strength again. Half of our funds were cut." The Commander recounted the situation.

 _So that was the point being, finally_. After the whole catastrophe, the situation would get to that level anyway. The Fourth Squad would probably keep on doing solely paperwork until everything was back to normal.

"That means we'll have to postpone our plans, right?" She concluded the reasoning, getting a  _yes_  from the blond man, who continued: "But that's not all."

The assertion left the researcher rather uneasy. Was there something worse than the lack of investment?

Her Commanding Officer pulled out one of the papers of the stack and turned it upside down.

"The civilian you’ve beaten up made a formal complaint in the Military Police. You received a penalty."

 _A complaint, right_. 

"So... What will happen?" Hange asked without much interest. Since Erwin took part in the decision, the punishment would be something like donating part of the salary or doing community service.

The blond-haired man stayed silent for long seconds. It was not usual of a person who had always been very quick at finding the words to falter like that.

"You will be temporarily removed from the Corps for eleven months." He said and swallowed hard.

" _What?!_ " The Squad Leader eventually shouted when she processed the information. She stood up from the chair, nearly throwing it on the floor. " _Eleven_  months for giving  _one punch_  on a  _motherfucker_  who  _deserved it_?!"

" _Two_ , actually." The Commander corrected, to which the brunette tutted. " _Hange_ , this was my only option." He tried to reason as she paced up and down in the place.

" _Only_  option?" The scientist stopped and turned back to her superior in one quick motion. "The Survey Corps is my _life_ , Erwin! How could you accept this crazy idea?!" She made sweeping gestures, while trying to understand why the man she trusted the most betrayed her in such a terrible way.

"You  _attacked_  a civilian in  _public_." He said with a penetrating gaze and furrowed brows. "And all this after the _total failure_  that was this expedition. Moreover, with Levi's demis-"

" _Fuck it_!" The brunette yelled before Erwin could finish the sentence. She was already pretty aware of what had happened, a reminder was not necessary, especially at a time like that. "The  _researches_  are more important than the amount of titans a soldier kills!" Hange said as fast as she could, her words hitting the exact one person who was not there to defend himself anymore.

Her friend stood uneasy about the assertion. His head, which was already boiling because of the worst meeting of his life, just exploded. And the words were his outlet.

"Then  _why_  don't you  _try to reason_  with our sponsors and superiors and tell them your  _stay_  in the Corps is more important than the  _actual_  Corps?" He said aggressively, lips pursed and clenched fists.

The bespectacled woman froze for a few seconds. So there was something beyond this punishment which would be worse than a temporary removal. "Erwin... You mean..." She said reluctantly, thinking of several possibilities.

"They were almost successful in ending the Survey Corps this time, Hange." The Commander cut off.

 _Ending the Survey Corps_... When Erwin had told her about their gain of strength, she didn't think those well-fed pigs were already that close. Were they that afraid of wasting money or they didn't want mankind to discover the secrets of the titans, maybe to prevent  a revolution? "They even made plans to relocate our soldiers." Erwin said in a slightly altered voice.

Hange's brain clicked. Now it all made sense; he had to take a defensive strategy this time before the worst happened.

"So... I'm a _scapegoat_..." The researcher concluded more calmly, walking toward the table.

"I didn't expect that reaction of yours when we came back, but I must admit it was quite  _handy_  to maneuver them with it. At least until the next expedition." The commander said, resting his chin in one hand.

" _Wow._  You're being pretty honest." She tried to lighten the mood with the comment.

As much as Levi's death had been a shake-up for all mankind, there was no body to be buried and no witnesses in the scene. It was different from the shocking moment Hange hit the civilian. Basically, one situation had standed out more than the other, at least in the public eye. Erwin had pulled off a masterstroke.

"Do I have any other choice with you?" He teased, a discreet smile on his lips. "Well... You may keep doing your research,  _in secret_... And then you'll return to your position as Squad Leader when you come back thanks to the amount of time you'll be off." The Commander explained.

Being the memory of the people so volatile, the incident would be forgotten after this period.  _Erwin was cold and calculating as always_ , Hange thought. However, there were still some complications.

"Who will be my replacement?" The brunette asked in one breath.

"Naturally, your second in command, Moblit Berner." Erwin clarified.

Moblit was one of the few subordinates who knew her work well enough to give better continuity while she was away, he was the fairest choice. Still, she would have to stay at least a whole day instructing him on how to proceed with the researches, even in the case of captured Titans,  _if_  they received any miraculous investment.

Another point that might not have been as important as the research was where Hange would live. About two years prior the scientist sold her own house to get money for her work, since she  lived in the barracks and didn't expect to go out of there any sooner. When the blond man noticed her restlessness and timidity to ask more questions, he decided to give her the paper lying on the table.

"Well, we can't extend this conversation any longer. So, I left all the essential information you'll need in this piece of paper." The Commander said.

The bespectacled subordinate took the sheet and studied briefly what was written. There were the place she would dwell, a temporary job in Sina's library, the date of the moving…

"If you have any doubt, just contact me." Erwin stated while Hange made her way to the door.

Before she left, he called her name and halted her walk, but she didn't turn back.

"...  _Try to control yourself_." He counseled.

The brunette gave a slight knowing smile and left swiftly. Now there was much more work to be done. And some time to maybe regret her actions on the Trost streets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, see you guys next Saturday! (It'll be also Levihan week and I'm so screwed)


	3. Keepsake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are things in the past worth remembering. Keepsakes that will make you fight for a better future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my beloved Gio who helped me out with the characters portrayals in this chapter! ILY

The week went by fast for the soldiers. Even though the service had continued essentially the same, something in the air seemed heavy, and everyone knew what it was. Levi's demise had left all of them distraught, and to make things worse the news that the Leader of the Fourth Squad would stay away for some time had raised  a fuss.

On Sunday morning, the traditional ceremony in memory of those who had died in the latest expedition took place in the District of Karanese. It was the first time the event had been opened to the public, not just for family and military.

Even Generalissimo Zackly was present and gave a short speech on mankind not being able to give up their fight.

At the end, all dead soldiers's names were mentioned, the present people giving a salute as a last tribute. Some had to contain the revolt of certain citizens when Levi's name was said. The Humanity's Strongest Soldier reign was definitely over.

One by one, everybody returned to their homes or to their normal work routine.

Hange still had to finish packing her belongings in the office, but she couldn't even move a piece of paper. Her gaze was blank, distant, seeking on the walls and chairs the presence of any form of life. The sudden creak of the door startled her. Petra excused herself and got inside, asking if everything was okay.

"They took me out of the Survey Corps and I'll have to go to Stohess, I'm feeling  _awesome_." The brunette answered in her most sarcastic tone, and saw the youth lower her head with guilt.

"I'm sorry... I..." The scientist faltered while trying to find the right words to talk to the sweet girl. Hange had avoided any contact with Levi's team after the incident. The few words she had exchanged with Petra on the day following the expedition had been their lastest ones.

"It's alright... I don't even know how bad I would be if they had taken me away from the Corps..." The strawberry-blonde replied amidst confused thoughts. "But soon you'll be back..." Her lips twitched into a soft smile.

In a silent consent, Petra and Hange began to pack some personal objects in a box. There were no further questions nor more comments, but there was one thing the honey-haired girl wanted to know about her Captain, something that intrigued her since the beginning of the week. She built up courage and took a deep breath.

" _Leader_!" The door slid open immediately, revealing an anxious Moblit.

Both women looked puzzledly at the young man, the reason of so much noise and visible urgency still a doubt.

"Moblit... What the  _hell_  happened?" The brunette snapped, staring at him disapprovingly.

"I just got this." He said and handed her a brown envelope.

"A  _medical exam_?" The scientist inquired as she recognized the crest in the seal.

"The doctor told me to give you this before you traveled." Moblit concluded panting. By the speed he got inside the office the blond man probably thought the researcher would evaporate in seconds after the ceremonial, just like titan's blood.

Both Petra and Moblit waited curiously when the brunette opened the envelope. "Could it be some mortal disease?" She teased, a smug smile plastered on her face as she pulled the paper slowly.

" _Leader_! Don't joke about such a thing!" The blond subordinate exclaimed, sweat streaming down his slightly pink cheeks.

Hange snorted and finally pulled the paper out. Even though she didn't seem to, she was itching to know what was written there. It might not have been the first time the doctor sent urgent examinations via Moblit, but it often happened when she had broken a bone and insisted on continuing with her daily tasks as if everything was perfectly fine.  _Scientists_ , always wanting concrete evidence to convince them that certain attitudes can cause a shit storm.

She carefully read each word on the paper. It was a blood test she had done before the expedition. Hange had been forced by Mike to do so after she blacked out for a few seconds and almost fell from a tree in an endurance training. She knew it was probably because of her lack of food in the stomach, but even so she did it.

Nothing seemed quite different from normal. The blood sugar was low, as she suspected, but there was something not right. Not with those indices. The brunette turned the page  frantically and found the diagnosis.

"Leader?" The two subordinates asked in unison when Hange left the envelope fall to the ground.

" _No_ , it  _can't_  be..." She murmured, one hand covering her mouth. " _Erwin_... Where is Erwin?" The scientist inquired as she recollected the fallen object.

Moblit got extremely scared. He had seen his superior very distressed in the previous week, but the despair in her eyes was totally different this time.

Petra stepped forward and attempted to soothe her. "Leader, you-"

" _Where the fuck is Erwin!?_ " The researcher shouted, completely out of control.

With no options left, the blond man decided to answer. "In his office, but-" before Mobit could even finish, Hange stormed out of the room, leaving two disturbed subordinates behind.

Many soldiers were still in the hallways, and each of them saluted when the Squad Leader passed by. She didn't respond to any of them, her mind too bewildered to think properly.

Despite the large and firm steps on the floor, her body was in a state of numbness, her arms dangling almost lifeless. Hange felt as if the whole world had collapsed on top of her, and all of it because of a simple sheet of paper, a simple word she'd never expected to use, it didn't fit into her life.

Several thoughts crossed her mind, but none stayed for long. Although she tried not to remember certain words Levi once had spoken, deep down they were repeated over and over again, conveying a feeling of utter anguish that was eating her insides. With what face would she tell it to her colleagues? And to her subordinates?

The brunette needed a person to guide her, and her superior undoubtedly would do so. And the least she had to do was follow his advice, which without regard to its possible mercilessness, would be for the best.

 

~~~

 

"Erwin..." Mike whispered, seated in a chair in front of his friend. The Commander wrote some remarks in papers and signed others, in a rhythm to lose track of.

The bearded man called him again with no avail. He then pulled the feather away of the colleague, smearing one of the sheets with ink.

" _Holy shit_ , Erwin, are you  _deaf_?" The Squad Leader complained.

"Oh... Mike... Is there a problem?" The blond-haired man asked with little enthusiasm.

" _Many._  And one of them includes you working." The friend replied and crossed his arms childishly.

"I have always worked after the ceremonies." Erwin retained his gaze to the paperwork, apprehensive about what he could find if he paid attention elsewhere.

Mike then pulled one of the sheets and positioned it exactly in the smaller man's field of vision.

"And you're paying so much attention that you signed a  _permit_  on a  _newspaper_." He said in a critical tone, his shoulders closer to the desk.

After a beat, the Squad Leader continued.

"For years you haven't had a break... Why don't you go on vacations?"

The Commander finally faced his longtime friend. The concern, the weariness and the grief were all mixed up in his square-shaped face. When he, who was so youthful, had gotten so old?

"The Survey Corps needs me." Erwin said with difficulty, his voice coming out raspy and slurred.

" _Oh_ , the Corps needs Hange too, but that didn't stop you from giving her as a  _sacrifice_  for those  _pigs_  we call higher-ups." Mike replied almost immediately, words dripping venom.

The senior took a deep breath. The two had already talked about the incident with Hange, and how it would be necessary to buy time for the investigation that ran in secrecy.

Even with such plans, it was hard not to feel defeated. When Erwin had been appointed Commander of the Corps, he had chosen only the most qualified soldiers to assume high positions, the people gained hope. However, now he felt guilty for having plucked that last beacon of humanity. Couldn't it have been better to risk less and have Levi out of the group years ago?

The Squad Leader sniffed the air and turned back to his friend. By his expression, something very grave was about to happen.

" _Erwin!_ " The door burst open in one quick swing, revealing the young woman, disheveled auburn hair and totally breathless.

"Hange, what happened?" The two men stared at her bemusedly, not sure of the reason for so much agitation.

The bespectacled woman got back a little of composure and threw the open envelope on her superior's desk.

" _Read it!_ " She ordered in a rushed tone.

The Commander took the papers and then saw that those were medical exams. Mike approached to also read them. And on the last page they saw the diagnosis.

" _Pregnant._ " Erwin repeated the word as a form of letting it sink in. "Do you confirm it?"

"... The symptoms match." The brunette found a spot quite interesting on the wall and kept looking at it.

The blond Commander broke down in a cold sweat, his vision blurred. No, that couldn't happen at a time like this, it was way too dangerous to not have her fit for battle, even if she was in a forced leave.

" _Hange_..." Mike began in a comprehensive tone. " _Levi is_..." He trailed off.

There was no need to finish the sentence. The answer was sufficiently clear in her distant eyes.

There were a few seconds of silence before the superior's voice resonated through the office. "What you want to do?" He asked loud and clear. After what happened in that reunion they had a while ago, he thought he had no right to do anything to her without some permission.

"I... I don't know..." The bespectacled soldier replied.

The three comrades looked at one another. This sudden change of course was so unexpected that none of the best strategists of the Corps could find a solution.

The first option, perhaps the only one that came into Erwin's head, was to convince her to abort the child. That would be a risky attitude, of course, but having the baby would be a major hindrance for her research, especially the field ones. Hange seemed to be aware of that, since she moved her tiptoes frantically, eyes opening and closing slowly, as if she was preparing herself for the worst.

"Maybe we need some time to think about it." The Commander suggested in an attempt to find the safest way to remove the child; or to find a less invasive solution.

Mike noticed the restless hands of his friend blindly flipping through memos, dirtying his fingertips with ink. For years he hadn't seen such a reaction of nervousness coming from him. The last time this happened had been on one of their first expeditions, when Erwin saw a partner from the same trainee corps being swallowed alive by a Titan. Scared, he had been in shock for days.

Yet, the bearded man knew that if he himself didn't take action quickly, the worst answer would be given.

"We'll find a solution, Hange.  _Don't worry_." The Squad Leader assured, receiving a favorable nod from the other blond-haired man, still apprehensive.

The brunette glanced from one to the other and found herself wordless. She felt less alone with those two helping her at that moment.

Everything sounded very odd, more than what was considered normal in the Corps. Even though they were more used to death, being born and growing - physically or spiritually - were crucial parts of the cycle of life.

Hange gave a sheepish smile, jitters still in her eyes.

"Mike... Erwin... I...  _Thank you_."

That was the chance they were looking for to at least try to redeem themselves with the Strongest Soldier. That would be one more reason to fight for mankind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the world of SNK, the technology is stated to be rudimental, but at the same time they have such things like Maneuver Gears and modern clothing production. That's why I felt free to use a blood exam, since Titans hold some sort of similarity with humans, and that means the medical area of that world must be very advanced for the sake of discovering secrets of the Titans' anatomy and bodily functions.


	4. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We change for a reason. So, why do we want to return to our old selves?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys~ So here it is, another update of In Memoriam! Hope you like it!

The mornings in the city of Stohess were simply marvelous. The sun rose slowly behind the mountains, flooding the streets with golden tones in a mixture with the autumn dry leaves, which flew at the tiniest blow of wind.

In a simple house next the local Military Police Headquarters, the sound of an infant echoed between corridors. Before long, a brunette with weary expression went to hush the child, who calmed down in a few seconds.

The mother with the small girl descended to the kitchen, finding right there a thin-faced redhead with a slightly prominent belly.

"Good morning, Mary." The two women exchanged smiles.

"Good morning, Hange. Esther didn't let you sleep again?" The blue-eyed  woman asked.

The scientist nodded, shut her eyes tiredly and yawned, the girl in her arms pulling a strand of her hair.

As soon as she left her daughter in a special chair, the bespectacled woman poured herself some coffee.

It had been almost a year since the Squad Leader was out of the Survey Corps. It was weird to admit, but she recently felt more tired than when she usually returned from expeditions.

She remembered that two days after the discovery of her pregnancy, Erwin and Mike had called her into a meeting; they had chosen to let the child be born, since they would have enough time to take care of it and change their original plans. Shortly, Hange had already been dealing with doctors and exams and ideological falsehood - after all, a child of two superior officers in the Corps would be reason enough to make a lot of questions, and she wouldn't be very considerate in the answers.

And there she was, in the way she least expected to spend some time of her life: heating up milk for her daughter, her big teal eyes sparkling in expectation. It was something so trivial and human, but the bespectacled woman felt warmth fill her heart with this act, a smile escaping her lips.

Before Hange could feed the baby, Mary took the bottle from her hands and tested the temperature, since the brunette kept forgetting that small detail. Well, the redhead was more experienced with children than her, as she had a four-year-old girl and another little one on the way.

"I want to know how you'll make it without me, Han." The blue-eyed woman said, giving the milk back to her friend, who sat in the chair and began to feed her girl.

"According to Mike, his aunt always loved children." The scientist commented. "I hope she knows what to do, because I'm made of _zero_  mother material." She concluded, almost letting her daughter choke.

"This,  _everyone_  is already aware of." A male voice emerged in the kitchen while Mary tilted the little girl and Hange beat lightly on her back so she could belch.

"I  _didn't ask_  your opinion." The bespectacled woman replied after Esther started to breathe normally.

The man ignored her, went to the counter and drank some coffee.

Ironically, that was Nile Dawk's home, one of the men Levi despised the most. Erwin had asked a favor to his colleague and managed to leave mother and daughter in a familiar atmosphere, much beter than it would be if she were living alone, which would certainly result in an utter chaos. It was funny how everything had turned upside down in Hange's life.

After a little chat about how their day would be and at what time he would be back for dinner, Nile withdrew to wear his harness.

After his derparture, the two women started making their daily tasks. Mary looked after the children while the Squad Leader cleaned part of the house, the two had lunch and then the redhead played a bit with her daughter. In the late afternoon, the brunette read one of the Sina's library books she had picked for restoring and she watered the plants in the garden. In the middle of her chore, an imposing carriage passed by the house.

Hange saw that its destiny was the MP Headquarters and soon she realized who could be inside it. Not long before, Erwin had sent a letter warning that the date of his arrival in Stohess was near. This time he wouldn't just visit the researcher and his little goddaughter, he would finally take the two back to Trost.

"Mary! I'll go to the HQ!" The bespectacled woman shouted as she entered the house again, picking up her gray coat.

The redhead walked down the stairs in a brisk pace, little Esther in her arms. "What happened?" She asked while trying to calm the child, who was almost crying because of so much yelling.

"Well, let's say that today there'll be a surprise!" She said with glistening eyes full of joy and a bit of anxiety.

The brunette then left quickly, already thinking about the piece of clothing Erwin had given as a gift for Esther - which would be cute for her to wear - and what she should pack. Her desire to be at duty again was way too big to conceal.

 

~~~

 

Nile was dealing with a huge issue that irresponsible subordinates had left happen: a man was captured trying to use 3DMG to climb the wall of Sina and five soldiers had been injured.

He had no idea how that troublemaker had managed to get into the arsenal and why the hell he had got the only object that wouldn't be useful on a daily basis within the Walls, but he had done it and now he would have to bear with the consequences.

When the dark-haired man was preparing to leave his office, the door swung open and there was Hange, a smile on her face.

"So he's here?" She asked in evident excitement.

The Commander stood frozen for a moment without knowing what she had meant.

"Erwin is in the Headquarters, isn't he?" The scientist tried to confirm her suspicions. "I saw the carriage heading this way."

The bearded man rose from his chair and headed to the door, turning towards the woman with an expression of annoyance. It was incredible how she was so obsessed with work. Not only did she keep doing her research until late hours of the night during her pregnancy and after it, but also whenever Erwin gave news he was going to Stohess she got restless and impatient. Now, though, he knew it was worse.

"Not  _all_  coaches are Erwin's." He simply said and left, the Team Leader who was also in the room right behind him.

The brunette got a little disappointed with the answer. Then it was probably from one of those noblemen the Military Police toadied to. It was indeed ridiculous how Nile had lowered himself to the point of having to please those pigs, who to some extent played an important part in her forced leave from the Corps.

Despite the sudden loss of energy, she followed the two men and didn't take long for opening her mouth.

"Did something happen for you not to be with your ass buried in the office chair? Don't you have  _work_  to do?" The woman asked curiously and received a look of disgust.

The Commander told what had happened and was obliged to hear the researcher's scowl. Those five soldiers weren’t very skilled for being wounded by an amateur. That was the biggest gap between the Military Police and the Suvey Corps: they never learned that one should not underestimate an enemy, especially if it was something unknown.

For sheer teasing, she decided to join Nile and the Team Leader in hearing the said criminal's testimony. It would be fun to see some action after so long.

The subordinate opened the door so that the two could enter the small dark room. There, the captured man was being watched by a buff soldier, who had attached him to the chair with handcuffs. Hange got in first and just like a happy toddler she walked in rhythmic steps. Nile sighed and told the two men to wait outside and give him the key to free the prisoner's hand if necessary.

Once they left, the brunette shut the small window open and turned to the criminal. The Commander could pinpoint perfectly the moment her face sharply changed from an amused expression for a total shocked one. Sensing what it could be, he rushed to see the man's face.

Even unshaven, with his jet black hair covering partially his eyes and a pitiful physical condition, his face was unmistakable for those who knew him well. But it couldn't be... It was  _impossible_.

.

.

.

**"Levi?!"**


	5. Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When we think there’s no other way, fate gives us another chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SOOOO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING THIS FIC. I stopped writing because of my finals, but when I got time to write I totally lost my inspiration... Well, here it is, a new chapter of In Memoriam!!

" _Levi?!_ " The question hung in the air.

After almost a year, the same man who haunted her in nightmares and cherished her dreams was in front of her again, alive and breathing. The scientist thought she was totally delirious, maybe it was the food she ate or the lack of sleep. But why would her imagination bring Levi like that, skinny, wounded and, most importantly, so full of dirt?

Hange felt her body tremble and then immediately get stiff as if she had fallen off a tightrope. Her head leaned upwards and a high, guttural chuckle escaped her lips.

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" The prisoner asked, scared of such a manic reaction.

Her body moved on its own and she approached him, the smile on her face and the surprise giving room for watery eyes, all fear, anxiety, relief, despair and anger taking over her.

" _Where were you?_ " She whispered like a mantra while holding him firmly by his shoulders. The man looked away, trying to free himself from that mad woman who shook him back and forth.

Nile, who was static, finally realized what was in front of him. The expression of indifference, the pursed lips, the typical bad temper... That guy was not only similar to Levi, it  _was_  Levi. Yet, the way he was acting was different. Could it be...?

"Hange, go home. I'll solve this." The Commander ordered in an authoritative tone, his  clenched hands leaving crescent marks on his palm.

The scientist looked at him indignantly, but she felt something strange in the air, an inexplicable tension that seemed to transcend the reason for Levi being alive after such a long time.

She also wanted to understand what was happening, but insisting on her stay wouldn't help; she would leave willingly or not. Hange chose to take a deep breath, a tear streaming down her face, and she went out of the room slowly, still staring at the handcuffed man.

Nile took a few steps around the table and sat down, the chair crackling weakly.

"So... Do you know who I am?" The older man inquired, staring at the other one.

"Never seen your fucking ugly face before." He replied, glaring back.

By the steadiness of the voice, the prisoner was not lying. So it was as he suspected: some incident occurred and Levi had lost his memory. Maybe he had hit his head while using the Maneuver Gear... But that only didn't explain how the hell he was alive and in Sina. Something didn't fit, and he needed to know what was it.

"Alright. I'm Nile Dawk, Commander of the Local Military Police." He introduced himself formally. "And you are...?"

" _Fuck off._ " The other man replied, his breath getting deep and his upper lip quivering in distaste.

The taller man sighed. Honestly, everybody seemed to take pleasure in letting him stressed.

"Let me tell you one thing, you  _motherfucker_ : your situation here isn't even  _a bit_  favorable." The Commander began, supporting both arms on the table and leaning his torso to approximate their faces. "I'll ask the question again and you'll answer properly, unless you want a broken jaw.  _What's your name?_ " He asked once more with an impassive expression.

After a short period of time, the response was accompanied by an eye roll.

"... Levi." He ultimately said as he shuffled on the chair.

Nile smirked. The shorter man had only said that because Hange had called - or better,  _yelled_ \- that name when she saw him.

"If I said Levi is a criminal sentenced to death, would you keep the name?" He asked, his spine fitting perfectly on the back of the chair.

Levi looked at one corner of the wall and remained silent, his restless hands jiggling the shackles which bound him.

With no substantial reaction, the Commander decided to proceed. "You don't remember your name, isn't it right?" He asked in a tone lower than usual, but by the way the prisoner jerked his head, it had been sufficiently loud.

" _What?_ " The shorter man reacted, his uneasiness visible in the way he looked from one side to another, probably trying to find an exit.

"Listen, I want to  _help you_." Nile said in a calm and understanding voice. There was something very grave in this story, and that undoubtedly included enemies of his years as a criminal, since the possibility he had survived all this time on the outside world was extremely remote. "Tell me what really happened to you." He asked with as much tact as he could.

"I'm no dumbass." Levi merely said, his deadly gaze fixed on him again.

"But you'll be if you don't trust me." The Commander claimed. "I know you. Your name is Levi. You were a Captain of the Survey Corps who vanished almost a year ago." He concluded, and for a moment he realized the man in front of him was totally confused.

" _The fuck is Survey Corps?_ " He asked with honest doubt.

"Well, it's a long explanation, a long story. You'll have your time."

Nile watched him for a little while and realized Levi was in a daze. The quantity of information he had lost was too big, it was surprising he could still maintain a decent conversation. The worst part, though, was his probable lack of memories of what events occurred between his disappearance and now.

"Then you'll keep me here." The shorter man remarked, biting his lower lip nervously.

"No. I don't know with which enemies of yours I'm dealing. Being imprisoned here would make it easier to find you. But if you don’t cooperate..." The bearded man said thoughtfully. If any of the soldiers who had contact with Levi were part of that side, he would presumably not have gotten there. However, as the chance of someone switching sides was big enough, the former Captain would have to stay in his home for now, at least until Erwin's arrival.

"What's the condition to get me fuckin' outta here?" The prisoner pulled Nile away from his thoughts. It seemed he was desperate to get out of that place,  _no?_

"Oh... You got smart..." The Commander replied with a ghost of a smile. The shorty was in need of support, so he would give it, but not without some fun. "My condition is simple: trust me." He established, triumphant that at least once in life he would make Levi comply to his orders.

The bearded man then stood up and walked to the window. He had never noticed, but that place was near the stable, in which there were no soldiers at the moment. A load of hay was just below where they were, a thing that would help the former Captain to jump out of there safely, as the interrogation room was on the second floor. It seemed odds were in their favor.

"Well..." He turned towards the prisoner. "You will walk out this window, go ahead and enter the first stall on your right." Once he gave the orders, Levi nodded, and had his handcuffs taken off.

Now he needed to find an alibi so no one would suspect the two acted together. They didn't have plenty of options, so it would have to be something incredibly stupid.

"Punch me." Nile said, expecting the shorter man to hesitate. Quite the opposite, it was a very strong and fast strike, which hit the area just below his left eye.

" _My pleasure_." He answered with a rare, sardonic smile.

Then, the not so smart plan was put into action. Levi jumped without much noise, and entered the previously determined place. The Commander left the room a while after, claiming he had tried to adjust the cuffs of the criminal to take him to his cell and the man had reacted, escaping through the window.

As soon as the soldiers wanted to follow the criminal, the bearded man ordered them to let him go, since he was just one more of those freaks of the Wall Cult who had lost all their money. The main necessity was to strengthen the security in the MP warehouse, which he was rather disappointed with.

A few minutes went by, and Nile finally got to the stall, the sky already dark. With discretion, the two managed to go into an alternative exit and got to the taller man's house.

~~~

Erwin had just arrived in Stohess and wanted to surprise everyone, but he was the one who got astonished when Hange opened the door. She was a complete mess, saying she had seen Levi in the Military Police headquarters and insisting that he should check it with his own eyes. Not even Mary, who served some tea for them, had managed to calm her down.

When the door of the living room opened, the brunette leaped up. Mary ran to the rescue when she saw her husband with his face bruised and another man entering in a deplorable state.

Nile asked her to help the young man to take a bath, wear fresh clothes and take him to one of the guest rooms. Before they went upstairs, a skeptical Erwin rose from the couch and looked at the visitor. The shock was so big the Commander stared at him for more time a person would feel comfortable with.

"Stop looking at me like you're a little girl seeing a dick for the first time." The short man spoke as if it was the most normal thing in the world, without even caring about Mary's four-year-old daughter in the room.

" _It is really you, Levi_." The blond soldier smiled, his eyes with a glint of unusual sympathy and nostalgia.

Mary eventually took the former Captain to the second floor, even with his reluctant behavior. The Commander of the Corps looked at Hange and tried not to laugh, the nervousness of an unexpected situation like that visible on his face. When Nile decided to approach the pair, they began to ask several questions about what had happened, how Levi had gotten there, where he had been.

"I chose not to push him to say what happened for now." The dark-haired man interrupted the loads of questions and breathed deeply. "Actually, he doesn't remember the past, including titans...  _and us_." He concluded fidgety.

The two soldiers of the Corps reacted with an audible " _What?!_ ". Before they continued the conversation, the bearded man asked his daughter to go to the kitchen and take Tessie with the pram upstairs.

The three sat down, anxiety present in the air.

That would be a long night.


End file.
